we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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