okay pat passed out under dana's car
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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