Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
