i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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