i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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