I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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