I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
