this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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