He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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