Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
