I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize