If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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