I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
