fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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