The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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