u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
