wrigley field is MILF paradise
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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