Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
