how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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