Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize