Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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