roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
