Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
