YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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