Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
