I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
