that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
