Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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