toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
