is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
