I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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