I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize