Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
