Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
