Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
