i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
