Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
