just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
