I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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