So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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