I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
