Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
