You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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