her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
