woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
