All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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