guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
