And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
