i always forget guys have bellybuttons
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
