Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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