Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
