Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
