you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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