When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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