Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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