Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
