obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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