Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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