don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
