I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
