Got a toothbrush?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
