I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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