I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
