somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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