god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize